While everyone is posting their reminisces of Michael Jackson, I figured I should post mine, by pointing out that I have always had better music taste than you.  I also thought this would be a good time since most of my life story is retconned, to let you know that the Origin story is still intact.

Thriller had some appeal to me, but Michael wouldn't have made the list of my ten or twenty favorite artists of the time.  New wave started to hit about the same time I was learning Math and English.  Not that I didn't like Thriller, but it wasn't a cassette (sic) that I would have bought.  I was young enough that a song simply being catchy and upbeat like "Say, Say, Say" was good enough to like.  I will still justify liking that song, but there was no excuse for "That girl is mine", and I liked it then too .   ("Say, Say, Say" went to #1 on the US charts, "That girl..." to #2, yet  80's classic "Tainted Love" only barely broke the top ten here- I'm not the only one who retcons).  "Billie Jean" I will argue is a classic and "Beat It" had Eddie Van Halen guitar, so it's crossover appeal was apparent.

With due respect to the 808 drum machine and the Audio Tune voice processor, R&B was a different beast back then, and I would think nothing of listening to Billy Squier, Greg Kihn, Cameo, and Shalamar.  Even mindless dance music like Shannon's "Let the music play" had innovation behind it.

It should be noted somewhere that my two favorite artists were sweaty, crucifix-wearing, shirtless Brits Billy Idol and Adam Ant.  I was a middle schooler who's two favorite songs included the lyrics "You see and feel my sex attack" and "If I strip for you, will you strip for me". 

So, at the end of the day, I'm not convinced that Lady Gaga and Lil Wayne will turn our next generation into a bunch of degenerates. 

I am pretty much as good as an argument of that.  My favorite bands were either the last of the famous, international playboys (Duran, Bowie) or "anything goes" sex maniacs (Frankie, Dead or Alive).  Meanwhile, I could see where this was headed, and quickly knew that i was going to be the last person in my class who would have a girlfriend. 

That as it happened , was inevitably how it all ended, but I got an early start on how to craft a narrative (I'm not the first to tell the "I'm dating a girl two school districts over" story and not the last).  Despite the music I listened to or the videos i watched, it was always my destiny to be the King of Pain.

Things for people like me get better as we get older.  In that time around completing junior high, I had that first dance, first "steady" girlfriend, and had embraced the individual that God had stuck me with being. 

I was just about to have my mind blown as a 15 year old hearing for the first time bands that didn't get played on the radio. 

Before that happened though, bands like INXS and U2 had broken through and had become the soundtrack of my life.  I had also, by now, (while loving all that came before) turned my attention to "serious" music like Springsten, Jackson Browne, Dire Straits, and pondered hopefully that the Russians loved their children, too.

"Bad" was out then, too and as big as an album got (this time Jacko employed Steve Stevens to sell "Dirty Diana" to the crossover audience), but by then (even at the time) Jacko's macho posturing seemed hokey.  Even when shot by Scorcese and scripted by Richard Price, Jackson wasn't "street" in comparison to the pioneering rappers who were now coming along, and not "rock" enough to compete with the starting to detox Toxic Twins.

I didn't have a unhappy childhood, though I don't know that I would want to go back.  I can't argue against Jackson's importance as a cultural icon, but his music wasn't that big of an influence on me. 

If you're like me there's one question that keeps me up at night.  Over the last two weeks, I just can't shake my mind off of it.

You probably have the same one.

Where did all the Billy Mays ads go?

In a blink of an eye, they were gone.

I wouldn't have thought twice if Mays wasn't so ubiquitous.  You couldn't turn on a television for ten minutes without seeing him (especially if you were an insomniac).  His absence was noticeable.  Unlike a mascot or most celebrity endorsers, Mays didn't just pitch one product, he sold dozens- cleaning supplies, repair kits, auto accessories, and much more.

All of a sudden, no Billy.  The void filled with even more Shamwow, Cash4gold, Video professor and Rosetta Stone ads - none with the charm of Mays..

Now, I had seen cigarette ads removed from magazines and I remember when St Louis removed tobacco products from billboards (Don't worry, casinos and bars picked up the slack).  I also saw how quickly you can pull products from your shelves, like Michael Vick jerseys.

So, I shouldn't have been that shocked, I guess.  still, in those cases, there was a legislative push or a scandal that forced the reaction.  Mays wasn't disgraced, he was just dead.

Now, it would appear unseemly to bring back Karl Malden's American Express ads (and ads that resurrected Orville Redenbacher and Col. Sanders have had less than positive responses), but Mays was a pitchman like no other.

So if it was good enough for Mays, when he was alive, it must still be good.  Right?

Besides, advertisers have played hard and fast assuming that they know what Hendrix, Lennon, and Marilyn would be pimping out were they still on the planet.  At least, Mays is on record.

In case you haven't heard - Gwar's lead singer Oderus Urungus has got a job as a correspondent on Fox News Channel.

That link is worth clicking for the video alone.

After working with Sleazy P. Martini, I suspect Oderus won't have any problem being co-workers with Glenn Beck and Bill O'Reilly. 

It's been a good year for Mr. Urungus, who earlier in the year won a Loser Leaves Earth match against wrestling journeyman Tracy Smothers.

Besides, on a network that regularly shows Beck, O'Reilly, Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham, Ann Coulter, and this guy, Oderus runs the risk of not being the most outspoken person on the channel.

"You know, you humans, you aint a bad lot, really. Unless... you know your place, and that place is, digging your own grave, with a britch of your nose, with my d**k up your butt thank you very much! " could be a quote from any of the commentators above, really.

Sadly, Oderus isn't there for commentary, but for the Red Eye show, which is an overnight show more there for pop culture and fluff as opposed to the usual daytime programming of GOP talking points and Obama-bashing.

Still, on a channel in where Glenn Beck hides his far-right agenda behind quotes by Thomas Paine and the other founding fathers, and gives Karl Rove and Dick Morris face time advertised as unbiased pundits; it's nice to know that Oderus will shoot the audience straight.